so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
