I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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