You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
