Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize