I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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