She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize