she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize