she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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