I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
