i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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