he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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