we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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