We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
