All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
