I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
