Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
