if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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