he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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