she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
