Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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