I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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