Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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