She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
