I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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