I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
