That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
