2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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