is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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