i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
false alarm. still invincible.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
