thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Found the puke drawer
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
