i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it hurts more in the daytime
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
