I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
