everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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