i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
