I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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