Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
