I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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