I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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