I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
