You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would ride that face into the sunset
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
