Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
