I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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