It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
