I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
