well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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