I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
