Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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