I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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