I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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