I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
