The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
