fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize