Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
