you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
