if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
