if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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