So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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