We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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