he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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