Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
