Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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