If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
