Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
