i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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