I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
