If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
