when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
