It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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