atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
