hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize