So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just google imaged poop.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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