So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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