I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
