you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
